Ariana Totty was just a toddler when her mother, Melonie Totty, was sentenced to 17 years in prison for second-degree murder.
“It affected my family quite a bit,” Melonie said. “I think it was hard on Ariana because she didn’t have her parents there.”
Ariana’s father was a co-defendant in the case, and is still in prison.
By the time Melonie was released earlier this year, Ariana was a young woman of 19. But their bond was strong thanks to regular visits over the past 15 years organized by Girl Scouts Beyond Bars, a program of the Girl Scouts of Eastern Oklahoma.
“We got to spend one-on-one time together each month,” Melonie said.
“I think it helped a lot,” she added. Without it, “We wouldn’t be as close.”
Organizers say the aim of Girl Scouts Beyond Bars is to build relationships between incarcerated mothers and their children. In doing so, they hope to break the cycle of trauma that can put those children at higher risk of incarceration themselves. The program is open to Girl Scouts and their siblings of any gender.
In addition to Oklahoma, Girl Scout chapters in the following states offer Beyond Bars programs: Arizona, California, Georgia, Indiana, Maryland, Missouri, North Carolina, Ohio, Michigan, Nevada, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Texas and Washington.
The program in Eastern Oklahoma started 20 years ago with five girls. Today, it serves about 500 girls and their siblings under 18.
Once a month, the children are picked up and driven to one of two participating facilities: Eddie Warrior Correctional Center in Taft, about an hour from Tulsa, and Mabel Bassett Correctional Center in McLoud, an hour and a half from the city.
These visits facilitate one-on-one time between mothers and children within structured group activities. The activities can include singing and activities intended to teach life skills and resilience, including how to deal with anger or shame, building a support system and asking their mother what happened during the event that triggered her arrest and incarceration. Mothers take part in mandatory leadership classes before the kids arrive and learn the skills that they will then teach their children. Often, a game is incorporated to make it more child-friendly.
The visits are a way for the mothers to learn how to parent again, particularly during a tough time, said Shannon Luper, program director for Girl Scouts Beyond Bars of Eastern Oklahoma.
One of the activities Ariana Totty remembers most fondly was creating a family recipe book, which included Melonie’s recipe for a chocolate chip pecan cake with chocolate icing.
“I love the cake that she makes and it is easy,” Ariana said.
Though they haven’t made the cake together yet, the two are learning to live together as mother and daughter after nearly two decades apart.
Breaking the cycle
Luper said the activities are designed to help moms engage with their children. They are also intended to provide a safe setting for difficult conversations.
“We try to teach our children how not to end up on the same path as mom — what does that look like? How did mom get to where she is?” Luper said. “Not so much ‘What’s wrong with you?’ But, ‘What happened?’”
Mothers who participate in the program must also take part in a parenting class that asks them to examine the circumstances leading to their incarceration. Outside the prison, Girl Scout volunteers and staff regularly check in with children between visits to help them adapt to daily life without their mothers.
“I think it’s hard to be a girl today,” said Regina Moon, president and CEO of Girls Scouts of Eastern Oklahoma. “I think it’s hard to be a parent today. And we know that some of our girls face multiple hardships.”
Oklahoma has one of the highest per capita rates of incarceration rates for women. And children who have a parent locked up are more likely to end up in prison as adults themselves.
“We know that we are contributing to this breaking the cycle of intergenerational incarceration,” Moon said.
Supporting visits
Melissa Noel, assistant professor at Temple University’s Department of Criminal Justice, said she believes the Beyond Bars program has a positive influence by removing the feeling of exclusion and isolation often experienced by children of incarcerated parents.
She said that it also helps prepare the youth for prison visitation, which can be traumatic for families and children.
“Prison visitation can create ‘secondary prisonization’ in which these young girls are unable to avoid prison monitoring and surveillance, involuntary separation, coercive settings and loss of rights with their mothers,” Noel said.
“These young girls might feel as though they are doing time alongside their incarcerated mothers as they visit,” she continued.“Girl Scouts Beyond Bars is on the right path with providing preparation and encouragement for these visits.”
She noted, however, that the program focuses solely on mothers, but having either parent taken away can impact children.
Josh Ward, a spokesman for the Oklahoma Department of Corrections, expressed support for the program.
“Girl Scouts Beyond Bars provides a structured environment for children impacted by incarceration, creating pro-social interactions between a child and their incarcerated parent,” Ward said in an email.
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Kristi Eaton is an Oklahoma-based freelance reporter, writer and communicator. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Associated Press, The Washington Post and elsewhere. Visit her website at KristiEaton.com or follow her on Instagram or Twitter @KristiEaton.
